Bouncers, Brawlers and Bulls***ters

Most of my life I have been involved in the world of Combat. Be it as a participant, student, teacher, competitor or as of late, writer. After 34 years I have come to the conclusion that we have some brilliant, brilliant people in our world. Guys (and gals) who are that good that it feels like they are walking around with a loaded gun in their pocket and a heart full of humility. The people who will guide you, inspire you, shout at you when you need it and praise you when you deserve it.  The heart of combat. And then are the numpties, and my Lord have I met my share of numpties…

The Karate Instructor who decided a night out after successfully passing his 4th Dan and why not. Except he decided to take his licence out with him and after several or more pints and a few Southern Comforts held it aloft to a laughing bar. “This here means I can take anyone of you!” He proclaimed loudly. A head-butt from another drunk put him on the floor in a second. “And this means you can’t” offered the drunk. Cringingly funny or not?

I had a visitor to Fight Fortress via his initial one hour phone call in which he proceeded to give me the best hours sleep ever whilst he treated me to tales of how he was one of the biggest names in Liverpool and had a fearsome reputation as ‘first in’. Known at every Merseyside MMA gym as ‘Animal’ (and not the World famous Toxteth legend we all know) he would let nothing stop him. “Great, then I will see you tomorrow”.  His goodbye made it feel like I had personally challenged him instead of a cordial invite to my dojo. 
  The next night he turned up ten minutes early and shook hands, you could smell the testosterone weeping from his every pour. On a handshake and introduction he started to repeat his soap opera from last night but I cut him off. 
“We have ten minutes before we start and I heard all this last night so lease make yourself welcome on our mats. One more thing.” I asked him “Do you have any injuries that can stop you training?” 
“Me?” he said, horrified. “Not a thing”.
“Okay” I told him “But I say this to everyone. Any problems on your first night just take it easy”
His sneer was back. “Oh I think you will find I’ll be okay”
Five minutes…that’s all it took before his hand went up and he cried an old back injury.
“I thought you had no injuries” I said, trying to hide my amusement.
“Well I forgot about this one” he said. “But I’ll be back!”
Course you will Arnie...

Writing brought about a new type of Walter Mitty. There is a legendary incident in North Wales folklore about a local hard man/gangster battling a team of local doorman. He held his own before Police were called at which time he made his escape to an unusual location. Rumour has it, (and I wasn’t there so to me it is just a rumour) that the situation grew beyond the Police and the Head Doorman of said team dealt with the situation. Upon embarking on writing A Dragon on the Door, tales of Wales’ finest door staff I had it on good authority who the guy was…I might have been wrong.

When the book was published every ‘fighter’ and his dog approached me begging to be in the sequel. Over half of them, more like most of them offered me the same hook. It was they who knocked out our friend in unusual places. The poor man must have been hit by that many different people it was like seeing double, treble or…whatever the fancy name is for four. 

The blagging to get into the sequel bored me that much I gave up on the idea. Instead I think my next venture into the written world may well be a Martial Arts comedy…based on true stories of course. 

About the Author:

Simon Morrell has trained in Martial Arts and Combat Systems for 34 years and holds the rank of 6th Dan Black Belt. 

He is the only person in North Wales to hold a Dan grade in Krav Maga recognized and awarded by I.K.I (direct from Israel) and The British Combat Association for whom he is a Senior Instructor. 

He has written about his life’s experiences in the books ‘From Bullied to Black Belt', a true U.S.A. by Flixster Studios. He runs a full time MMA Academy, Fight Fortress in North Wales. You can find out more about him, his books and seminars at:

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